I wish I could punch you in the face.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
they're like a gay fantastic four
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
