im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
