Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
