Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
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Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
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He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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