and next time when you feel me up, do it right
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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