Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
