none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
