The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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