were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
