Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
