My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
