the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
