He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
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OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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