Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
