I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
