Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
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She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
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So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
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