also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
whose ass print is on the piano?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
