OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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