SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
