community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
