3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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