I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
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Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
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I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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