Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
