Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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