i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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