After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
