Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
