She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
