when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just pynch a tree in the face
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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