He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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