he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
