Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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