Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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