i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
