two words...techno handjob
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
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next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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