we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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