Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
