Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
