i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
