I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
