her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
