you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
