I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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