I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
