ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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