24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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