oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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