My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
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