Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
BRING THE BAGELS
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
