my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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