FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
