Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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