my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
